How To Become A Coding Guru

How To Become A Coding Guru

Each programming language has its own pros and cons. Some are low level and some are upper level scripting languages that sit on top of them. Each has a purpose and often some better suited to a task than others. But which ever language you favour or specialize in, there is most likely a community to help with issues or problems you may have.

Each individual coder, regardless of their experience, will have at least one, and often several gurus who they look to for support in times of crises. So, how is it you become a guru in your select field. These Rules For Coders have been created to help you attain guru status.

Never Show Your Code
If somebody asks you to show an example of your code, make an excuse. Tell about terabytes of code in you class libraries on your computer, being busy, copyrights, NDA's, or other agreements with SUN, Oracle etc.
If you have a blog, post there a few snippets from already renown programmers and add some moderately positive comments such as "That's how one should do it!".
Theorize a lot!

Show a little
As an exception to the Never Show Your Code rule, you can post two or three abstract concepts with a note "I am just fooling around", or "this is some experimental code"). No more than that!
Register On Forums
Register on every possible forums, mailing lists, or website devoted to your language of choice. Post often, criticize moderately, without fanaticism. Use expressions like "structure", "code reuse", "portability", "security", "is there a concept?", etc. Really cool programmers can always find something to criticize. Never praise.
Mock newbies until to destruction
These pesky vermin pollute every mailing list or forum and spam them with questions so simple in nature, that only and idiot would take the time to answer. If you do not know the answer, the best form of defense is a solid attack.
Learn the current buzzwords, and terminology and TLA's (Three Letter Acronyms). The phrases "Late Static Binding (LSB)", "Model View Controller (MVC)", and "Interfaces", should always be in your arsenal. Use them! Learn the jargon and use it fearlessly.
Be Righteous
Show utter disdain for any rules or common principles or standards, but ridicule and berate any who disregard them.
Name Drop
Learn names and a little history about two or three famous programmers, and learn by heart any conference or presentation slides they have on their site. Note descriptions of their work and use this when theorizing and criticizing. You will look and sound awesome.
Install the latest version of the latest buzzword IDE and master it. Tell everybody that real programmers don't need use an IDE and should be using VI, on principle. Ridicule all who does use an IDE. Sprout passing phrases like "IDE's are crouches for the disabled".
Carry A Book
By carrying a book you can appear to always be brushing up on the latest programming principles. Deny ever having read a book on programming.
Go Missing
Every once in a while, disappear for a couple of days. Claim that you had a large contract and with a strict deadline and were stuck in front of the keyboard, or that SUN Micro systems flew a helicopter to fetch you in for an emergency.

Key Notes
Memorize a recent keynote address and disprove it or substantiate it depending on the situation.

Be aware of programming or IT conferences. You don't need to attend them, familiarizing yourself with the reviews will give you sufficient ammunition to attack anybody who presented there.